It was a dark and stormy night. The flashlight app on my
phone wasn’t working. So then I went onto Facebook. There is a test Friday so I
probably should study. I need more sleep. I have class in an hour. And I’ve a
quiz and didn’t study for it. But I don’t regret it, because the party last
night was awesome!
Soon after, I married Sharlene in a small chapel outside of
Vegas but she was shortly murdered by a serial killer. The serial killer was an
angry twelve year old boy whose cat was run over by a truck earlier that
morning. His mother packed him an awful lunch which threw him into a fit of
rage. It was filled only with green vegetables: broccoli, spinach, peas, pods,
lima beans, green beans, avocado, and green jell-o.
Tiptoe through the tulips.
The tulips I tiptoed through were filled with poisonous
pollen-sized viruses that attacked my shins and left puss-filled welts. From
those welts sprouted annoying talking gnomes. Whose mouths stopped moving only
to bite down with sharp vicious teeth. These monsters ere not really monsters
though; they were just a fat poodle. The poodle got really upset and went to a
magical castle. There he saw a unicorn made out of cotton candy being eaten by
a goblin.
And then there was the potato.
The potato went to Japan and took hold of his destiny… He
became Potatozilla! Potatozilla began to destroy a town in Japan. The town’s
people have never seen Potatozilla, they have only heard the murderous stories
passed down from generations. The legend of Potatozilla left all the town’s
children quaking in their beds at night, so much so that the families of the
town had to build a fortress made of ginger to protect them; for Potatozilla
was repulsed by ginger-esque smells. Over time Potatozilla mutated and became
immune to ginger, and was able to devour the fortress! This was because Potatozilla
was a bad guy; bad guys have castles and good guys have castles. What can Ginger
do? She went to the Batcave and grabbed the Batmobile.
There was a body. This body was very special and had many
different super powers like invisibility. Even the cape he wore is invisible.
He lost it last night after he took it off. A homeless man found it.
Contemplating over the small object, he hid it in a treasure box filled with
plastic bags. Suddenly, a faint sound in the distance caught his attention, the
shrieking sound of sirens… And a giant green monster ate a big red velvet cake
with a cherry on top. Its ingredients included rat poison, dirt, and blood. He
couldn’t believe how much he wanted to touch it. He touched it.
I am… above the coffin. And there are ominous crows
encircling Oregon because it’s amazing.
“Did you just stick your donut in my hair?”
“That’s rude!”
“No, you know what’s rude? A zombie eating your face off.”
Welp, there goes my face and my arm. It goes completely numb
when I eat on it. OMG, here comes a zombie. Damn it! I’m surrounded everywhere
by zombies. Oh crap… I tripped and the zombie was coming up fast behind me, it
was only a matter of time before it catches me and eats my brains! Thank God I
packed my duct tape. I needed it to lock my car door on my trip to Rome. Once I
realized that it was missing I was horrified. I started looking through my bag,
but I still couldn’t find it. The wicked witch couldn’t best me, and her flying
monkeys couldn’t test me. No matter what they do I always best them. And today
was no different, however the monster stalked through the night. Unaware as to
who was hunting, and who was hunted.
Joshua made his way down the dark alley. He had no idea what
was about to happen. He walked down a dark corridor. A man with decaying flesh
stepped out of the darkness. He staggered his way toward me. Clutching his
stomach. In agony. Several giraffes clothed in black sweaters surrounded Joshua
and bit into his tender flesh. A chilling scream filled the air. His life
passed before his eyes and he closed his eyes, never to be opened again.
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